I grew up an athlete. I was always playing sports. I played basketball, softball, volleyball, and I was a swimmer. I played competitive sports all the way until my junior year in high school when I decided to get more serious about my instrument. But I've always considered myself an athlete (especially because I'm built like one...which equals SERIOUS flab when you're no longer working out anymore...). Even when I wasn't playing competitively anymore, I was still in marching band which really is an athletic event. So I stayed pretty thin and fit while I was in college because of that. But literally a MONTH after I graduated college, I started gaining weight. There were lots of contributing factors there, but probably the most prominent one was my inactivity. I was too busy to run, to busy to work out, maybe just TOO busy in general. So by July after Jonathan and I got married, I had gained a little less than 30 pounds. And I've been working for the last 5 years to shave that shame...I mean those pounds off...
Last summer (meaning the summer of 2011) Jonathan, Nicole, Patrick, and I decided to tackle P90X. We worked our stinkin' butts off! But, being the athletic build that I am, I really only lost a few inches. I literally did not lose a darn pound. Now, mind you, those additional 30 pounds had begun to slowly go away. So I wasn't still 30 pounds overweight, but it sure felt like I was trying really hard and had nothing to show for it. So when school started, of course that working out went by the wayside. I would get about 1-2 workouts in a week on average (which translates to some weeks with NO workouts). I was maintaining, but not losing...
So Matt Bell and I decided to tackle a quasi-crash diet together. It was insane! For 30 days, you have to stay under 500 calories a day. I know, I know. Everyone asks me "Is that safe??". Yes, I was being monitored by a doctor. I was hungry all the time, but I stripped off 22 pounds in 30 days! It took some serious will power, but it was the only thing I have ever done that I ACTUALLY saw results with. The kicker, though, is that you have to stay eating healthy and active while still staying within normal calorie range AFTER the "crash" part of it is over. Again, this diet really kicked me into high gear because I had gotten in the habit of being RIDICULOUS about watching what I ate. So again, I maintained that 22 pound weight loss...
Then, the fabulous Marivy Guerra (who is so tiny and fit it's ridiculous) started doing Insanity during our conference period with Brett Farrell and Lynette Garza. So I jumped on that band wagon. And got my booty literally handed to me on the first day! I mean I did my first workout with them on a Friday and when I got up on Saturday I could barely move! I remember standing in the bathroom crying because I had to pee so bad, but I couldn't bring myself to sit down!! So we continued that for about 6-8 weeks until the rush of the end of the school year started. I lost 3-4 pounds and some inches and felt really good. I could see myself getting stronger and my muscles were slowly but surely coming out of hiding...
Then I came here to the Bahamas with this fabulous workout plan in mind. I brought my P90X DVD's and everything! But my teeny little apartment is really not conducive to P90X. I tried a few workouts in the beginning and found myself REALLY restricted. I mean how do you do plyometric exercises in a 5X5 living room? So I thought, "Well I'm eating less and walking more...I'll maintain and maybe lose a little weight in the meantime". So I've probably lost a pound or two since I've been here. Then it hit me last weekend that we are coming home in less than 5 weeks and it will be the holiday season! And Jonathan and I will be running around like crazy people seeing friends and family and prepping for Dominica and EATING (since we are so craving like 20+ US restaurants right now...). And then I have to move to a tropical island and rock a swimsuit again. So I decided to start running. It gives me an excuse to go see the ocean every day...
I decided to start out running one song and walking the next. So I have been. And my loop is just under a mile and a half, so I stay running for like 10-12 minutes total. But here's my thing (hence the title of this post). I am such a quitter when it comes to fitness. I get within striking distance of a goal and quit because...well I don't know why. I always have. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of failing, maybe it's because I'm just a pansy. I don't know. But when I was playing competitive sports, literally every single coach I ever had (with the exception of my Daddy who fielded my famous "talk to the hand" MO with grace and was ALWAYS supportive of me...) simply put...HATED me. They were so condescending and just plain mean. They praised my teammates and tore me down. "Pick up the pace Harris!", "My grandma could run faster than that!", "The whole team is gonna run horses until Harris actually runs it as fast as the rest of the team!", "Harris, get the hell out of my gym!". Maybe now you can see why I went running to the band hall!! But now, as an adult, I can see where they were coming from. I was on the brink of something great. I was within striking distance of a better time, a quicker pace, something greater than I was allowing myself to achieve. I see that now for a lot of reasons. Not the least of which is the fact that I DIDN'T back down when it came to French Horn stuff and I kicked butt and took names. Where could I have gone if I'd just kept running, just got outside of my head for a minute and "picked up the pace". What would have changed if, when the famous "get the hell out of my gym!" came, I said "No Coach" and put my head down and ran my butt off instead leaving like she said to...broken and bruised...with my morale shot. Set the pace, lead the team, didn't take that criticism to heart, and showed my teammates that I have more willpower than that stupid woman had given me credit for...
I was always good at verbal encouragement. Not so good at pace setting. What would have been different if I had realized, in those days of being a true athlete, that not only could I be the "cheerleader", I could be the physical motivator too?? So today, I channeled a little Stephanie Glienke, a little Chameka Scott, a little Marivy Guerra, a little Rachel Gafner. I held them in my head and thought about what they would say if they were running right next to me. Glienke would say "C'mon Harris, you can do it! Just keep running!", Chameka would have said "You're better than this...don't stop...you're not tired!", Marivy would have said "I'll run with you, just keep going!", Rachel would have said "Rach...c'mon. Can't never could!". And I kept putting one foot in front of the other. I kept moving. I kept saying to myself "You're going faster than you were sitting on the couch!". And I didn't stop from the time I walked out my front door to the time I stepped back inside. 1.48 miles later I feel like maybe I could conquer the world! That might sound like a tiny little feat, but let me tell you that it is HUGE for me. I honestly don't know if I've EVER done that in my life! I always defeated myself and said I couldn't do it. But today, I did. Today, I didn't defeat myself. And today I am actually REALLY proud of myself! For the first time in way too long in regards to fitness.
So thank you Glienke, Chameka, Marivy, and Rachel! And honestly, thank you to all my "crappy" coaches! I wish I had really known what you were trying to get out of me. Maybe if I knew that you saw how close I was to being truly fantastic at what I was doing, I would have reached a little deeper and grabbed that goal. Or maybe I wouldn't have. Maybe it just takes a little life experience to make you realize that you're your own worst critic, your own negative energy. That little voice inside that says "you know you probably can't" is a big fat (emphasis on the BIG and the FAT part) liar! Because an almost 28 year old woman who is 11 1/2 years removed from "true athlete" status reached her fitness goal today. And it feels incredible!
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