Sunday, November 18, 2012

The Last of the Bahama Problems

Though I am SURE there will be a list just as long of "Dominica Problems" here in a few weeks, I thought I would leave you all with a little insight and some humor.  Right now, Jonathan and I are probably sitting in an airport somewhere (I pre-scheduled this post for today since I knew I wouldn't be writing for a couple of days...).  Our minds are likely FAR from these Bahama Problems as we are most certainly looking forward to being home in the states.  That being said, enjoy a few tidbits from life in the Bahamas...

Bahama Problem #1) Have an appointment at 10:00 AM, call a cab to pick you up at 9:00 (factoring in 'island time' which means they will likely not be there until 9:50 anyway), taxi picks you up at 8:45 and you sit there waiting for your appointment for an hour...

Bahama Problem #2) Have an appointment at 10:00 AM, call a cab to pick you up at 9:45 (since they were so prompt last time), cab shows up at 11:00 AM, you miss your appointment by an hour...

Bahama Problem #3) You and 4 friends call a cab to pick you up at the port and take you home, cab shows up ON TIME (what a concept!), cab is a glorified VW Beetle, all 5 of you cram into the back seat (couldn't be closer if you were Siamese Quintuplets), cabby's son is in front seat with feet propped up (super comfy) while playing a video game...

Bahama Problem #4) Have a hankering for a panini sandwich from Solomon's, walk up to the sandwich counter and ask the girl what her best sandwich is, she goes into detail about what her favorite sandwich to make is and how delicious it is, you say "Mmmm...sounds great!  I'll have that!", to which she responds "Oh, no sandwiches today..."...

Bahama Problem #5) Go to Zorba's (most approachable restaurant in the port), ask for a chicken gyro, waitress says "No chicken gyros today", to which you respond "Ok, I'll just do the souvlaki then", to which she says "No...we are out of everything on the Greek menu", you sit there confused (in the GREEK restaurant) about how best to proceed...

Bahama Problem #6) Go to After Deck (another fairly approachable restaurant in the port), find nothing entirely appetizing and decide to order the chicken fingers from the kid's menu (even if they ARE $10.95), waitress says "No.  You can't have that..." and leaves your table to talk to her manager, comes back and says "Fine...you can have it, but you have to pay $13.95 for the 'adult portion'", to which you say "Fine...whatever...", and when they bring it out, the only thing adult about it is the piece of wilted lettuce they've placed under your 3 chicken fingers...

Bahama Problem #7) Go to the grocery store with ground beef/turkey on your list (never know which one will ACTUALLY be there this week), find ground meats in the back meat bin, pick up a tray, read the label, which says "Center Cut Pork Chops", put the tray down cuz you're not sure you want to risk eating what type of animal might ACTUALLY be ground up on that tray...

Bahama Problem #8) Try to make a grocery list that is simple, include chicken breasts on it (easy peasy dinner option), go to back meat bin, find chicken wings, chicken thighs, chicken drumsticks, chicken livers, chicken gizzards, chicken necks, and NO chicken breasts.  The entire chicken is there...except the part you actually want to eat...

Bahama Problem #9) Buy milk that is not due to expire until next week, have a craving for a nice tall glass of ice cold milk later that night, pour yourself that tall glass, sit on the couch and take a giant swig, realize AFTER you swallow that swig that your "fresh milk" tastes more like sour cream, proceed to bathroom to commence gagging...

Bahama Problem #10) FINALLY get rid of the tiny little ants that crawl around your kitchen countertops (no matter how clean they are), put box of cereal on top of the fridge (where you've NEVER seen ants), begin running out of groceries toward the end of your last week in Freeport and decide to snack on some multi grain cheerios, examine the sealed cereal bag thoroughly to rule out ants (SCORE!), begin eating 5 or 6 handfuls of cereal, realize THEN that there are ants crawling all over you...and inside the bag...proceed to bathroom to commence gagging...

Bahama Problem #11) Wake up after a fairly restful sleep to find your entire body stuck to the industrial plastic that your mattress is covered in, peel yourself off and head to the bathroom (cursing that stupid plastic all the way there), and think better of that cursing realizing what the alternative would be if you decided to sleep on the mattress WITHOUT the industrial plastic, decide either way that it sucks...

Bahama Problem #12) Run out of toilet paper at home, head to the store to buy some, find a package of 4 rolls for $12, decide that is OUTRAGEOUS, send husband to campus to steal some from the public bathroom, curse yourself for not thinking about this earlier in the semester...

Bahama Problem #13) Sweep entire house, open front door to sweep everything out, gecko drops from door frame and scurries into house, you run into your bedroom and shut the door to escape certain death...

Bahama Problem #14) Sit on futon after a long day in the Bahamas, decide that hubby is looking particularly delicious tonight, hop over to his side of the futon to get a little frisky, futon snaps in half, landlord doesn't replace it for 3 weeks...

Bahama Problem #15) Mosquito net in bedroom is hung, dog sleeps on bed, dog cannot see mosquito net, dog gets tangled and confused, mommy and daddy are trapped inside mosquito net, dog begins to panic, mommy and daddy are powerless to help...


That's all for now folks...

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